the weakness was too much. my arms felt like empty rubber hoses for a moment, and then they felt like nothing at all. i couldn't feel them. i couldn't feel me. the blackness rushed over my eyes more solidly than before. like a thick blindfold, firm and fast. covering not just my eyes but also my self with a crushing weight. it was exhausting to push against it. i knew it would be so much easier to give in. to let the blackness push me down, down, down to a place where there was no pain and no weariness and no worry and no fear.